Reflect on Your Year with 21 Triangles
Note from our founder Michael McIntosh
As we come to the end of the year we so often wonder, “Christmas already! Where did the year go?” And then we laugh, go quiet for a moment, then talk about something else.
What if we took that question a bit deeper? If we gave ourselves more than a cursory moment to really reflect on our past year, how might we feel and what might we learn from it?
Contrary to childhoods overburdened with wordy textbooks and playtime-devouring homework, our deepest learnings come from reflecting on experiences. Reflection also allows us to feel rewarded by what we achieved and the relationships that came with that. If done well, this need not leave us weighed down by mistakes and “failures”, privileging guilt-free learning as more helpful and intelligent (literally). Not just remembering momentarily with a single lens; but reflecting using many.
To get the best out of the time we give to reflection, technique is really important. A simple and effective method can be to take a 3rd person view, looking in rather than only being in. Imagine, for example, asking a friend to tell you about their year. Not just glossing over it, but remembering events from each month. There’s going to be a mix of “good” and “bad”, and some things will bring other things to mind. Imagine encouraging them to speak of those recollections, using their own words, at their own pace. Let’s talk about how that might go.
As a sincere friend, you’d be happy with them at the good times, the surprises, the great interactions and the wonderful successes. You’d smile with them, sharing their wins and feeling energised by the enthusiastic way they speak. You’d probably look past the big glossy things to find some smaller events and interactions too – little things that can feel so rewarding. Behind the smiles, you’d both be enjoying the uplifting dopamine surge that is so helpful for learning and motivation.
Together you’d unpack some of those successes. What did they do that made that relationship, interaction or project work so well? Who else was involved, and how had they helped those relationships? As the conversation progresses, subdued recollections surface, allowing them to gain a deeper understanding of how they succeeded, which in turn increases their confidence and competence. This is not about flattery, ego or false pride, but a deeper recognition of what they brought for themselves and others in the past year.
The flip side is that not absolutely everything went quite so well. Maybe there were some relationships or interactions that went a bit sour. Maybe there were some personal behaviours that are now regretted, and some performances that didn’t reflect hopes or potential. As they speak, they might get a bit down in the dumps, with shame, regret and maybe even embarrassment haunting them, but as a friend, what would you say? You’d acknowledge they made mistakes or endured disappointments not of their doing. You wouldn’t want them blaming themselves – taking responsibility, yes, but blaming, no. You’d focus on intentions, and you’d want them to accept that mistakes are a part of life, a part of learning, a part of “having a go”. You’d want them to be philosophical and practical, without harsh judgements on themselves or others. Everyone worries, stresses, reacts and makes mistakes, so you’d suggest leaving assumptions, conclusions and judgement aside. We’re all human.
As with their successes, you might ask them to think about what outcomes they would have liked, and now knowing what they do, what they’d try differently next time. You’d both accept that there are no guarantees, and that they can’t possibly know everything or control everyone. You’d be philosophical, pragmatic, patient and compassionate. You’d accept they sometimes they have come up with some good ideas of what to do differently, and sometimes they might not yet.
As this patient, empathetic, supportive conversation evolves, you’d notice them letting go of the emotional baggage that comes with their feelings of guilt and regret, replacing it with self-forgiveness and a forward-looking view. Maybe their shoulders would lift a little, their furrowed brow would relax as some of the confidence that came when reflecting on success spills over into the areas they’d like to have a different result in. Soon, they find themselves feeling good about what they achieved without any sign of arrogance, and feeling less tied to their mistakes and more confident about their apparent weaknesses.
To have this conversation with a close colleague – not as a judge, expert or advisor, but as a curious and supportive friend, is a wonderful gift for those ready to accept it. It is sincere, personal and impactful, and so long as their stories and their views are privileged over yours, it might be one of the best conversations they’ve had all year.
Now imagine having it with yourself.
Turn your 2024 reflection into a roadmap for a thriving workplace in 2025. Schedule a consultation with Michael and learn how you can leverage neuroscience to optimise your team’s performance. Schedule a call today!